This is the second Christmas that has passed since we decided to have a child. But this Christmas was nothing like the one that preceded it.
Yesterday I decided to clean out my closets: clothing, shoes, purses, coats, I've now stored away for the girls in Africa that need it way more than I do... but during this cleaning I found a bag, hidden away to keep me from remembering the days I believed I'd conceive a child. This is what the bag contained:
The dolls were gifts from us, as potential parents, to our baby boy or baby girl. Soon after deciding to have a baby we visited Disney World and I couldn't resist this Mad Hatter doll (yes I have a full blown Alice in Wonderland obsession for those that don't know). Months later I purchased the Minnie on sale at a store, just in case we had a girl. I tucked them away in a bag that held two little t-shirts my mom gave me many years ago. She found them and couldn't resist (who could blame her?) and the four items have been tucked away ever since. The act of purchasing the dolls was, in part, a sign I was hopeful, but the bag hidden in the back of my closet was a sign of my despair. I didn't want to look my "failure" in the eye. I was sad, angry, bitter and afraid.
Finding these items triggered those emotions. I was immediately brought back to that dark place where baby items needed to be hidden away from plain sight. And then I remembered, I am hopeful. This Christmas was not sad. We have children's furniture in a beautiful orange bedroom and we look at it everyday. So I brought these items downstairs and added them to the children's room. I don't know how they'll be used. Maybe the t-shirts will be used by an older girl to put on her baby dolls. It doesn't matter how they will be used, what matters is that it all will be used and embraced by the children God will bless us with, and that is no longer an uncertainty.
This Christmas was also filled with amazing gifts that reminded us of the beautiful journey we are on... so here are a few of my African things (yes that was supposed to be sung to the tune of the Christmas song...):
|An adoption frame from my husband. You can choose either way to put a picture of the child, which enables the quote to be read no matter what.|
|The inspiring quote in the frame.|
|A 'Love Africa' t-shirt from Sean.|
|The front of the beautiful Africa ornament from my parents.|
|The back of the ornament.|
|In the middle of reading there is no me without you, already read (and was so inspired by) from ashes to africa and can't wait to read MAMLITA!|
|A gift from my parents. Thought to be the very first board game ever created! |
And part of the proceeds went to African aide.
|From my in-laws. A children's book in which every letter of the alphabet stands for something in Ethiopia, and it includes beautiful illustrations!|
|An Adoption Rocks hoodie from my parents via adoptionbug.com|
|A mousepad for my computer at work, from Sean.|
|Our shelves have become fuller. In addition to those previously explained, we also added a "Joy" book from my in-laws and an Ethiopia coffee mug. (The mug's handle actually broke so it became decor and Sean got me a new one to take to work.)|
And Abram believed in the Lord and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith (Genesis 15:6)
Happy New Year! Looking forward to a year full of blessings, happiness, love and above all, FAITH!